- I realised, as soon as I woke up, that today marks 6 weeks since I both discovered I was pregnant and had the ectopic pregnancy rupture and be removed, along with my fallopian tube. I cried.
- After getting up, I realised that means I would have been about 12 weeks pregnant now, and we would be planning a public announcement. Instead, I’m barely holding it together. So I didn’t. I cried.
- I got back into bed and cried againg because I couldn’t face the day.
- I cried on the way to school because I couldn’t imagine seeing a certain class, feeling the way I was feeling.
- I cried when I got to school, and a colleague checked on me. She then told me about her infant loss years ago, and we both cried a bit more.
- I cried because my HOD hugged me, because she’s the most supportive person I’ve ever worked under.
- I cried when my register class kids checked on me, as they’ve been doing since I got back to work.
- I still haven’t found a dress for the matric dance tomorrow, and while shopping I ended up crying in every change room because I had to look at my scars every time I changed.
- I cried on the way home because I don’t like the way I look. I barely recognise myself.
- I cried outside my house because I hate my body right now.
- I cried because my pain hurts my husband.
- I cried because I didn’t want him to cry. So I tried to hide my emotions, and pushed him away.
- We both ended up crying anyway. Together.
- I cried because I have friends and family who understand.
- At some point today, I cried because I have friends and family who don’t understand.
- I cried because I feel like I’m broken.
- Eventually, I cried myself to sleep for a while.
- And now, I still feel like I can’t find the strength to do anything. But I feel just a little bit better.
Faith. Family. Fredericks 